Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Impasse

I have been away so very long, so crazy busy writing vanilla articles at CFP, while at the same time doing my thing at MSU. I love the teaching aspect of it, yes, but not so much the research. This is my conundrum: I have chosen as a thesis something I have not as of yet been able to fully embrace. My heart is not in it, so to speak. My first question to anyone who has attended graduate school: does it need to be? Or should I simply consider this another stepping stone to greater things?

My Spanish is weak, at best, yet I am required to sift through literally thousands of 16th and 17th century hand-written documents from the Inquisition. I am, without a doubt, petrified. I will jump into this, head first, in a matter of weeks, perhaps days. I can't sleep at night. There's no way I can be proficient in a foreign language in a matter of months, never mind on the continual basis necessary to make the progress I will need to be making.

Also, I don't picture myself living in America for more than just a few more years, not because I hate my country, but because I want to experience more than what I am offered here. Plus, like many Westerners, I seek a simplicity no longer afforded by a society driven by the need for shiny trinkets. Therefore, should I not study someplace I may intend on residing? As it stands, I am studying Spanish Jamaica, a place which no longer exists. I don't see myself moving to Jamaica, despite its beauty.

I am blabbering on, I know. And because I don't post much, I'm sure very few people will read this. However, if by chance you do, throw in your two cents. I'll be sure to catch it, I promise.

4 comments:

gillian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gillian said...

i was trying to say that i haven't been to grad school...
i'm just a bikini waxer, honestly...
but wasn't it eleanor roosevelt who said to do at least one thing every day that scares you? i think you're on the right track....

Angie said...

I think you should move to New Zealand.

Sky Girl said...

I'm glad you posted again.